We do not speak of that time when I confused oil and vinegar. It was...unpleasant.

One of the great things about student life - or at least, what student life was like when I was part of it, a few months and a million years ago - is the opportunity to find out just what your parents were doing when they managed to produce meals every evening. It truly seems like such magic and mysticism. All these ingredients went in...but what came out was something entirely different.

It will not surprise you to learn that, rather than teaching myself practical and nutritious cookery, I was firmly in the "experimental" camp. Unless at least one person walks into the kitchen, stops dead and says "WHAT are you doing?", you're clearly doing something wrong. So, here's one of my favourite creations. Do not attempt this recipe if your family has a history of heart problems. In fact, you're probably better off not trying it at all.

Double-Fried Cheese and Curried Onion Sandwich
Serves one

Ingredients

• Two slices of bread
  
• Half an onion, chopped
  
• Cheddar cheese, thickly sliced (enough to cover one slice of bread)
  
• 1 tsp curry powder
  
• Olive or vegetable oil, for frying (anything that doesn't smoke too much)

Method

1. Heat a drizzle of oil in a large frying pan.
   
2. Add the onion and the curry powder, and fry until just starting to brown.
   
3. Push the onion to one side, and place one of the slices of bread in the pan. Fry it until its underside is golden brown.
   
4. Flip the bread and fry the other side.
   
5. Remove the bread, and replace it with the other slice. Fry one side.
   
6. Flip the second slice over, and while its other side is frying, put the cheese on top of it and let it melt.
   
7. When the cheese has melted, scoop the onion back on top of it, and top it off with the first slice of bread.
   
8. Serve hot, with a paramedic on standby.

The onion is fried, the bread is fried, and the entire sandwich has been fried. It's not extravagant in terms of ingredients, but man does it taste good.

I can accept no responsibility if you (a) fall down dead, (b) lose your girl/boyfriend, (c) require a heart bypass or (d) burst into tears of joy after eating this sandwich. Well, maybe except the tears of joy one. That was entirely my fault.