Thank you! Thank you! You've been a great population!

Tomorrow there's going to be a whole heap of local elections going on all over the country. I hadn't quite cottoned on to this fact, because I'm inside the Oxford bubble - we're not electing anyone here, so despite it being May I didn't consider that elections might be happening somewhere - but it turns out that about half the population of the UK are going to be able to go to the polls in England, not counting everyone who can vote in Wales and Scotland. (Obviously, we're not actually going to get over 30 million people voting. This is a democracy, after all, which means that no-one cares who runs the country.)

I bring up Scotland because the results could be particularly interesting there. The Scottish Parliament is up for election - currently no one party has overall control, so it's run by a Labour/Lib Dem coalition. That could all change though - the SNP has been sounding very optimistic about its chances. And this is important because one of the SNP's key election pledges is to hold a referendum over Scottish independence.

I don't really hold any strong political views either way on this issue - I don't have the facts at my disposal, and I don't know how likely it is to even happen. What I do think, though, is that Scotland should definitely become independent just because it would be absolutely hilarious. For a start, there would be the fact that of the three local nations that historically have fought each other for a laugh - England (as it was then - now, the remaining part of the UK), Scotland and France - Scotland would now be the only one without nuclear capability. Or indeed much of a military at all. Any and all Scottish influence would immediately disappear from the UN and pretty much all other international bodies.

More amusingly still, we'd have to come up with a new name for our own country. The term "Great Britain", which is itself a major part of the UK's full title, came about through the Acts of Union of 1707, which would of course now be superseded. This would be the perfect opportunity to demonstrate our potential as a country, our new-found motivation, and the fact that we never really needed those hangers-on up North anyway. I reckon "Awesomeland" or "Kingdom of Scotlandsucks" would be the perfect way of building new relations with our new neighbours.

There would be some problems, of course, such as the loss of most of the medals the UK ever wins in the Winter Olympics, but on the other hand it would be a good opportunity to put together some Awesomeland teams to get rid of the weird situation of the Home Nations getting to compete as separate entities in things like the World Cup. We'd lose the Lions as well, but again, we needed to update our image anyway. I reckon we ought to name the new team after something that really reflects our country, while still striking fear into the hearts of all around us. A bulldog on a motorbike playing awesome riffs on an electric guitar sounds about right, although I suppose that would be quite tricky to chant at sports matches. While we're about it, a new flag would be in order too. This would be the right time to incorporate the Welsh dragon into the flag, as it's been a bit left out so far - that could also do with an update, though, so now it should probably have angry eyes and lightning bolts above it. And flames all round the edge of the flag. Now that's a flag you'd actually want to raise.

The sheer oddness of having to present a passport to get across the border would definitely be fun, although not as amusing as watching those tourists who are already completely confused over the precise geographical and political relationships between England, Scotland, Britain, the UK and London get even more tied into knots by the knowledge that they're now moving between entirely different countries. Scotland already issues its own money, which is, although usually acceptable at large shops and Post Offices throughout the UK, so weird-looking that no-one's at all familiar with it, so that's not going to be any great change. They're welcome to it, really.

Basically, I don't know why we haven't already split up the Union. So may opportunities to make everyone's life that little bit more entertaining. (Even if it also becomes considerably less convenient.)