National Treasure 3: The Legend of the Elonex Prosentia is just around the corner

Although I'd consider myself to be at least mostly competent when it comes to software, I'm embarrassingly bad at dealing with the hardware part of IT. This is odd, because I like to take apart practically everything else (see this post for evidence) - I can only assume that I've never had to rummage around in the bowels of computers because I've never bothered upgrading them.

Last night, though, I had to double the number of hardware upgrades I'd ever performed (the first was when I stuck some more RAM in my laptop last year, a process which is not exactly difficult) by installing a new DVD writer in my family's desktop PC. Now, I was fairly well prepared for this operation, as there are loads of instruction sites kicking around online. The one I used was off About.com, and was very helpful - sadly, it failed to cover one of the most basic and yet most fundamental aspects of the whole process. Namely, opening the computer's case.

You might have thought that opening a case was fairly easy, and in most cases it would be. My family, though, saw fit to buy an Elonex Prosentia computer, the designers of which apparently had a profitable sideline building high-security safes. The only obvious screws on the casing were the ones holding the power supply together - I came very close to dropping it onto the motherboard - and the only one that wasn't anywhere near the power supply didn't seem to do anything when unscrewed.

At this point, I looked through the manuals and had no joy. So I had to bite the bullet and do what every self-confessed geek hates, the equivalent of stopping to ask for directions with a sarcastic girl in the car. That's right. I called tech support.

I was prepared for the usual hell of tech support, which usually involves listening to the Four Seasons being played in very poor quality while a saccharine voice informs me that I've reached number 57 in the queue. What I wasn't prepared for was the information that Elonex now existed in name only, having folded back in 2006. It took a while for the tech support people to get this point across to me, along with the fact that no-one now had the faintest idea about any details of their computers, let alone how to get past the labyrinthine security of their desktop cases.

In desperation, I phoned the company that had been used to run Elonex's remaining contracts when it went into administration. The young lady I spoke to there was very eager to help, but didn't seem to have mastered that when you silently put your customers on hold, you're supposed to tell them what you're doing. If you don't, what happens is that the employee and customer embark on an entertaining game of "hello-hello? Can you hear me - hello?" for a few minutes before one or both gives up in disgust and hangs up.

In the end, it took a thorough investigation of the entire case along with my dad before we managed to get the case to slide back and lift off. I'm still not entirely sure what finally got it going, but I suppose I can at least be grateful that I was unsuccessful in ripping the entire front panel off (that was becoming a definite option at one point). I now pass this story on to you - not so much for the benefit of those who are reading my posts regularly, and who at this point are probably thinking "an entire article dedicated to his sheer incompetence and inability to open a computer's case? Really?", but more for those who at some point in the future are going to stumble across this post by entering some combination of "Elonex", "Prosentia", "case" and "I am seriously considering getting a sledgehammer" into Google. To those people I now present the following short list.

How to get into the case of an Elonex Prosentia PC

1. Unscrew and remove the small screw in the middle of the back panel - the one at the top, just under what looks like a pull-tab. (Hint: it isn't a pull tab, but if you push it hard enough it vanishes inside the case with an interesting little tinkling noise.)
   
2. Push the entire case - plastic front panel and all - towards the front of the computer. The back panel is the only bit that stays still.
   
3. Push hard enough and the case will slide a couple of inches. You can now lift it off entirely.
   
4. Replacing the case is much easier - just make sure the pull-tab-like-thing goes through its slot in the frame, not above it, as the case won't close properly otherwise.

I hope it's a long time before I have to do that again...